Me, spilling out all my thoughts, inner and outer, on just about anything! Lots of poetry, short stories from past experiences, anecdotes about teaching elementary school, music, relationships....garage sale type thing...Something For Everyone!

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Nightmare Hair Story! (Everyone Has One!)

Dedicated to my sister, Joan, who is braver than I am!
Congrats on your new "do"!

I turn away when I have to walk past hair salons. My hands shake as I pick up the phone and dial the number to book my annual appointment. There is a definite quaking in my entire body as I reluctantly open the door upon my arrival on the dreaded date. My voice cracks as I report to the receptionist that I have indeed shown up this time in hope that the outcome just might be better than the previous visits.

I wistfully leaf through the pages of glamourous hair magazines. Is it possible that someone in this shop could get me to look like that girl? My spirits lift slightly as I watch and admire my stylist’s last client at the counter, a gorgeous redhead, who pays and generously tips for today’s creation.

When my name is called, I rise, nervously clutch my purse and warily follow the girl to the chair at the sink. Then, predictably, comes the age-old question, "So what would you like me to do with your hair today?" (As if she could do anything!) It is all I can do to bite off the response, "Well, not much really, a simple cut like Cindy Crawford’s would be fine!"

Instead, I make my usual reply, "I’m not really sure. Think of my hair as the challenge of your career."

She lightly fingers my hair, drops it abruptly, and remarks disdainfully, "I see what you mean. There’s really not much we can do with such thin, straight hair but I could try a perm."

"Oh no!" I think. "Now there’s a loaded word!" The mere mention of the word "perm" dredges up painful, terrifying memories that stem from early childhood. It brings back tears and fears of frizzy days gone by. Recollections of being called "Harpo" by the boys in my class flood my mind. I remember with horror, the many repeated visits to the hairdresser’s to ensure my perm took the second time.

I should demonstrate my assertiveness training and state emphatically, "No! A simple blunt cut is all I want!" I could throw all caution to the wind and let, yet another hair stylist have free rein with my locks. In the end, I wimp out. (I didn’t actually go to all those classes!) My power of positive thinking weakly struggles to the surface to state once again, that it will turn out all right this time.

Hesitantly, I concede to a perm and choke out the understatement, "Well, okay but I must warn you that I’ve had a bit of trouble with them in the past." (A bit? If only she knew!)
"No problem." she replies. "We have a new one that’ll work great." I groan inside. Shades of the computer perms that did not compute or got a virus and died a sudden death at the hands of some very sharp scissors!

Patiently, I sit through the familiar stages of the "salonized perm" and silently worry if it will be too curly or not curly enough. I sneak a look at the new me and think, "Not bad! It definitely took!" And then, as always, I wonder how I will ever be able to employ the tricks she has just shown me to re-create the same effect? That is the crux of the matter. You can look fabulous when you leave the salon, having just over-tipped them in your excitement. But what about when you are left to your own skill to attempt it yourself?

And true to form, only three days later, I stand helplessly before the mirror and am tearfully thrown back in time to one horrific poodle cut! "I can’t believe this! It’s happened again!" I complain to my husband. "When I waltzed out of that place everyone said that I could have been on the cover of a magazine!"

My husband mutters and thinks that I can’t hear, "Yeah, what they didn’t tell her was that they meant, "Dog Digest Magazine"! I take another look and sadly resign myself to the fact that I do bear an uncanny resemblance to the family canine.

For the time being, I decide to enter the "Pet and Owner Look-alike Contest". It will only take seven months for my perm to grow out, almost in time for my next hair appointment!

Mother of Invention, kinda glad my hair is long again!


Blogger Barbara said...

Hair is a constant challenge. My theory is that the gray hair is different in texture from the hair is it replacing. My hair looks like crap right now and I can't quite figure out why. I just keep hoping to find the perfect person who understands my hair...

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Blogger Bluegrass Mama said...

Annual hair appointment? Oh my! Since I've been "blessed" with naturally curly hair, I need to go in frequently to help contain the frizz. It took me till the 40s to realize there's a reason companies make billions in styling products.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Blogger Mother of Invention said...

Barbara: Well, as Seinfeld said many times, "Good luck with all of THAT!" You're right about that gray being coarser...kinda sticks out like prongs on a plug, drawing attention to it even more! I just have it highlighted as my hair is kinda light coloured and very baby fine!!! My nightmare with hair will probably last for my lifetime!!

Bluegrass Mama: No fair! I ALWAYS wanted your kind of hair! One of my best friends had tight curls and just let it "Afro" after her attempts to iron it straight failed, as did her method of wrapping it around orange juice cans! Yikes! What we do for the ideal locks, eh? Guys have it easy!

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Blogger Mother of Invention said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Blogger Mother of Invention said...

Yikes! I did that one twice and don't know how to delete a comment! Anyone out there tell me?

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Blogger Lys said...

As I often babble, two words - Jonathan Product. I have straightish midlength hair and their volumizing shampoo, conditioner AND Foam (Mousse) has changed my hair to where bad hair days are very few indeed. And PERM is an evil word... my easiest tip with getting a cut from a new stylist is to ask the receptionist, "who do YOU trust to cut your hair". That normally takes them off guard and puts you with one of the best stylist - that way if you don't like it, both the hairdresser AND the person who scheduled it are in deep bird crap ;)

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Blogger Mother of Invention said...

Lys: Hey, good tactic! Thanks for the product tip since I have the same hair as you. I'll look for it but I bet we can't get it in Canada.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006


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